Artwork & Writing By: Rim Abdelhamid
At one of the call centers I worked in, since day one, the manager and the trainers who were supposed to help us learn and get adapted to the job, they kept telling me how much negative and depressing they think I am. They even went as far as calling me a DEAD person. My manager enjoyed making fun of me by imitating how he thought I used to speak or how I sound, saying that I have speech disorder -because this is “funny”- just a joke! He even tried to get others to join in. It was always the same excuse: they’re “trying to help me get better at my job!” Even though it had nothing to do with my performance and it started the first day I started work.
Let me tell you why -them trying to help me- was a lie? How this is not a critique but in fact bullying? What is the aim of bullies? What are the types of bullying in general? How do they start? And how to stop it?
What workplace bullying is…
When giving a critique one gives it based on actual facts. They could give a certain advice, or simply just tell the person what they’re doing wrong, etc… But it’s never calling them names; that’s abuse. What makes abuse turn into bullying is it not being on all employees but a specific one targeted, and over a prolonged period of time (not just one incident). The harassment behavior could be by one or more colleagues (subordinates and/or superiors), where the one being targeted is unable to defend his/herself. In that case it’s no longer a bad management issue, or a bad behavior by one individual but in fact one person being alienated; BULLIED.
How bullying is like at the workplace?
You might think it is physical? But no, bullies are smart! It cannot be psychical because it could cost them their job and even get them arrested. However, it’s a mental abuse. For example, telling you something hurtful in a way of “joking” or putting you in situations that could affect the quality of your work like unrealistic deadlines. Also, it could be things like yelling, threats or sabotage. Whatever it is, it is an action that could cause stress to the victim. And could cause them to feel trapped and it is repeated over time.
In my case, I was forced by that same manager to work overtimes and on weekends. And even without extra pay. Spending every day, and almost 12-13 hours a day, sometimes with no breaks, with no time to eat and no way of getting good sleep or the rest my body needed. And I couldn’t risk losing my job. Why though? Why would someone bully another at work? POWER AND CONTROL. The bullies in this case just want to feel in control and they do it by bringing others down. In my situation, I was the only one in my team with past experience in that field, the only one who didn’t need training so that was my manager’s and the trainers’ way to “put me in my place”. They didn’t have any real critique so they tried to gain power by verbal abuse, by overwork, by putting me down and stressing me out.
What makes victims not speak sometimes or have a hard time reporting the issue? Because of the charming personality of the bully. You’d think you can tell that the person in front of you is a bully but it’s actually hard to tell. Since bullies manipulate others with poker face. They are self-centered and in some cases sociopaths but likeable.
I was always being told it’s an “advice”, they’re “helping” me. All in the midst of me being bullied. I was made to think I deserved the way I was treated.
In other cases, bullies could come after you in a non-direct way. For example, by emailing a manager telling them you’ll meet a certain deadline when it’s impossible for you to do so, they’re not coming to you directly but instead they’re putting you in a situation where you can’t really decline, knowing you’ll be in a hard and stressful situation. They could work on making you lose your job in that same manner. So basically, they’re not monsters hunting you down literally, they’re just that guy/woman sitting next to you smiling while putting you intentionally in stressful situations. Making you feel stuck all the time.
Well, how to stop bullies?
The thing about bullies is that they test their target victim. So, if you right away push back, you’ll be ok. But if they managed to get to you, they won’t stop easily. You need to always address the situation head on. Call out the behavior and leave the situation, no matter how awkward or uncomfortable it might be for you at that specific moment. Instant action is a must. You should also document every single detail big or small. The reason why sometimes bullying incidents go undisciplined is the lack of evidence. Stick to facts, to what happened and do not allow anger or other emotions to cloud your action. Then reach out to the HR and bring the incident to their attention.
To conclude the key to end bullying is to remain calm, confident and immediately push back, by calling out the action then reporting it if it’s repeated.
If there is anything, I wish I could have done differently is not letting my emotions control me. While I didn’t get angry, but instead I felt stuck, depressed and worthless. I let them put me down and I accepted the idea that I deserve to be treated this way, this is why I never reported what happened. I should have only focused on achieving my target because that’s what evaluates the quality of my work, not what anyone thinks. I wish I could tell my old self that: “Harassment, stress and overwork do not help anyone. Teamwork, respect and positive work environment does. Always know your work duties (targets) and your rights as well.”
If anyone who’s going through the same experience is reading this, I hope you know now what to do.