Previously we’ve identified the first step towards marriage, and how we should all have a structured idea of what it is. Marriage is a project that needs each partner to invest their time and energy into, in order for it to be a success. So, what about step TWO, how can we apply “Planning” in relationships? What about Sex for instance?
Part 1 of the Article: https://hrrevolution.me?p=1156
2nd Step: PLAN
There are two main plans you have to do here:
(A) Plan your questions
(B) Plan your life together
- Plan Your Questions
- NOTE: this step is quite long, so don’t rush into it. It takes 3-4 months to truly know a person, face to face. It takes the same period for a crush to either evolve into love or just fade away. I would say it takes longer than 4 months for long distance relationships.Get your questions ready. It’s not an interview; it’s like meeting a new friend, and trying to get to know them better. Only thing, this friend, might be your life partner, so you’ll have to ask more questions than those asked to regular friends.
Here are four different websites, for questions that you can ask a potential spouse:
– “Questions you want to ask someone you want to marry”
– “Ten Important Questions You Should Ask Potential Partner”
– “Questions to Ask a Prospective Spouse”
– “276 Questions to Ask Before You Marry.”The most important question to ask your potential spouse is: “Why do you want to get married?” After you know their answer, are your definitions of marriage alike or different?
Those are all examples of questions you could ask; you can make your own list, and use proper communication skills to ask those questions. Again, this is NOT an interview! Also, ask them to take the “The 5 Love Languages” and “16 Personalities” quizzes, so that you will both have a better idea of each other’s personalities.
Remember, even if the person you’ve met has answered all the questions perfectly, only God knows if they are good for you or not. So ask for His guidance. Always look at how that person acts. Actions speak louder than words. And as much as you’ve used your brain for the questions, ask your heart if that’s the person you truly want to live your life with. Does that person excite you? Do they make you happy? Do you make them happy? Do you enjoy your time with them?
Warning: you might have been single for quite some time. This might make you a person who is in love with the idea of “love”. So practically any person, who seems to fit, might be a potential spouse for you. Please don’t make that mistake. That person has to fit in BOTH your heart and mind. That person is your partner. There is a difference between “attachment” and “true love”. Attachment is when you don’t think clearly, because you are attached to the idea of love, you don’t like the person, you like the tingling feeling you get when you are around them. You are in constant turmoil, and definitely not stable. Your brain has been blinded by all the negatives of that person, some of which might be red flags. True love makes you feel peaceful, from within, and it shines outwards. It’s like you’re finally home. You love that person with both your heart and mind. You know his/her negatives, and accept them, as a whole.
At this point you need to lay down your insecurities on the table. What do you fear from relationships? What general fears do you have? What are your weaknesses and strengths? Do you have any medical condition(s) that need to be known?
After you’ve known such critical information about a potential partner, be a respectful human being and don’t abuse them!
- Plan Your Life Together (Get Engaged)
Congratulations; you’re now sure that you’ve found your life partner. Here is the exciting bit, the chapter where you decide your life together. Now, both of you have some homework to do; I’m sorry, but this will save you so much time and you’ll avoid unnecessary arguments.
Your homework consists of the following (have a pen and notepad OR your laptop ready, to take notes down):
– As a couple, look up what your religious marriage responsibilities and rights are.
- As a couple, look up what your legal marriage responsibilities and rights are.
- As a couple, read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”
- Ladies: read “Act Like a Lady,Think Like a Man”
- Men: read “For Men Only”
After you know your responsibilities and rights, and have done your reading to understand your partner more, now you can plan your marriage life goals. Use the “Funnel Technique” for planning:
– Wide goals: What’s your goal from marriage? An example of an answer: to live peacefully, to enter heaven with my spouse…etc.
- List of goals: Get a paper and pen and draw a table. Divide the table into columns with the following titles:
– Wife’s personal goals
– Husband’s personal goals
– Mutual goals
Then, divide the paper into rows with the following titles: 5 years plan, and yearly plan. Under each column write down your goals, make them realistically optimistic. List down goals from getting a new house, to moving to a new country, to getting a PhD, to traveling to a new country every year or two. Whatever it may be, write it down. (Notice: I wrote “personal goals”, this is because both of you are distinct individuals. Getting married doesn’t mean losing yourself for the sake of other. It means, becoming a better version of yourself, with the help of your partner.)
- Specificities:Here, you write down the specific details of your everyday life. Responsibilities in this section are divided according to what each person in the relationship knows how to do or is willing to do. For instance, who takes care of the budget, who does the cooking, who does the cleaning, who does the laundry, who does the dishes, and so on…
Regarding the intimate (sexual) details, I advise you to discuss that after writing your marriage contract (before the actual wedding) OR a better and more preferable option is to discuss it with a premarital counselor. Premarital counseling helps you improve your relationship before marriage. You don’t have to be in a crisis in order to go for counseling. It’s actually advisable to go for counseling BEFORE getting married. In Premarital counseling, you can review your goals with the counselor, they will give you a clearer perspective of what you can prevent, avoid, and do; and that’s all based on their years of experience with other couples. Premarital counseling is a good place to also discuss the intimate details and insecurities. Try finding a counselor that has background knowledge of your culture and religion.
You will tell me, “But this is so stressful! Why can’t we just enjoy and celebrate our love during this period, rather than do all the planning?” You are right, it is stressful, but do remember; marriage life without preparation is stressful. Let me be clearer, if you don’t know how to balance love and everyday life requirements before entering marriage, how will you do it when you are married?! Challenges during the engagement period, are a great way to get you closer to your partner. You are a team now, and have to do things together.
To be continued…>Married Life<
By: Dr. Sara Abdelghany
Photography: Mahmoud Mansi
Editor: Sarah Shalaby
Wellbeing @ Work Summit Middle East 2021 – Diversity, Inclusion and the Holistic Wellbeing approach
Written by: Cinzia Nitti
A working environment characterized by greater Diversity & Inclusion has more chance of being a place where new ideas and perspectives flourish: inclusive businesses benefit from those who feel very included and motivated in the Organisation. Companies with more culturally and ethically diverse Teams are 33% more likely to see better than average profits (McKinsey, 2017).
The Wellbeing @ Work Summit Middle East 2021 brought to light the need and urgency to put individuals and interactions over profits within the panel session dedicated to Creating a Holistic and Inclusive Wellbeing Strategy. The panel has been moderated by Chris Cummings (CEO Sonas Events) and joined by Irada Aghamaliyeva (MENA Diversity, Inclusiveness & Wellbeing Leader – EY), Funda Kalemci (Global Leader, Diversity & Inclusion – Nielsen), Mimi Nicklin (Author and Empathetic Leader) and Öykü Kayaalp (Diversity & Youth Programs Professional – Vodafone Turkey).
According to the valued speakers, true Diversity and Inclusion have to create a sense of belonging, breaking the Mental Health Stigma and Empathy. So Emotional wellness turned out to be the core of those two elements: in fact, it generates wellbeing and inclusiveness at all levels.
The covid-19 pandemic showed employees how frustration and emotional fragility affect performance and inclusion, even within the most well-structured and diverse Team. Filling the gap between self-expectations, dealing with such an unexpected “new normal” and an Organisation’s goal, proved to be a complex challenge that both employees and leaders had to face suddenly. Creating a work-life balance has been crucial to supporting the new “Smart Working Model” imposed by the pandemic.
How to maintain and strengthen a sense of belonging through screens and virtual work-spaces?
Irada Aghamaliyeva and Öykü Kayaalp firmly agreed on “connecting and communicate through a deep understanding of various cultures at the Workplace, whether physical or from home”. It is key to set a balanced environment where employees feel totally appreciated and valued – the reduction of work stress highlighted a decrease of stereotyping and a more open-mindedness towards intercultural awareness. It can be faced and strengthened through coaching sessions and encouraging employees to speak out freely and fearlessly about what makes them feel inadequate. Break the workplace Mental Health Stigma thanks to self-acceptance is the first step to creating a more inclusive culture, relation and support between employees and leaders.
What role plays Empathy in this framework and why it so crucial in an inclusive culture?
Empathy is the pixie dust that bridges the Diversity and Inclusion gap. Practicing and nurturing Empathy within the Organisations is the starting point from which Leaders and employees should consider the value of their interactions. Listening – not just hearing – is crucial: so often in HR and Leadership people listen to respond, but they don’t really stop and focus on what’s the inner need on the other side. To empathize is the choice to understand, it is a skill that we all can own through practicing kindness and active listening. “True Diversity and Inclusion has to begin with Empathy because if we don’t understand each other, how are we going to integrate?” Mimi Nicklin
Also, when employees are largely satisfied of their experience within the Company on an empathetic level, they are more likely to report high intent to stay with the Company and be high performers. “At Nielsen IQ we have a Global Wellness Framework lead by global HR Teams that works on four pillars: physical wellbeing, emotional wellbeing, financial wellbeing and environmental & social wellbeing”, Funda Kalemci affirmed, highlighting the importance of Mental Health within Global companies.
Building an Agile Culture: The only way Forward
Written By: Hanane Benkhallouk
The coronavirus has already rewritten the future of business. With the spread of the pandemic not slowing down any time soon, business leaders find themselves scrambling to find solutions to a host of problems, from bottlenecks in the supply chain to miscommunication between departments.
The outbreak of the coronavirus demands that business owners respond quickly to the growing number of challenges by using the latest technologies and out of the box strategies for sustainable business operations. Keeping that in mind, here are some useful tips for businesses that are building an agile culture to adapt to the new normal in business.
Design Data for Informational Hierarchy
Information is an important component of any business process. Since employees are no longer operating in-house, the chances of miscommunication are two-fold. To avoid that, business leaders need to design information based on informational hierarchy and the channels that are going to be used. This will result in better clarity and a higher level of transparency.
As a business leader, you need to be aware of the information that is being sent to various subgroups within an organization and how they will process that information. This is crucial when it comes to getting a solution that’s beneficial for all parties involved. Efficient business leaders are those who are able to deliver the right information by utilizing the right set of tools at the right time.
It is important to note as a business leader that you should never operate on assumptions or under the illusion that your decisions or intentions are clear to the management and the employees. This is why it is important that business leaders use a human-centric approach by considering how information is consumed and by avoiding ways that will foster misinformation in the ranks.
In the future, business owners will have to create an information hierarchy for the effective transmission of the desired information. Business leaders have to be careful when delivering information. The information needs to be clear and actionable and followed by the required details to avoid any panic or confusion.
Sending long-winded emails is the perfect example of what not to do and will only lead to further confusion or panic. During these stressful times, it is important for business leaders not to just focus on what your staff cannot do, but rather, empower them by informing them on what they can do during this pandemic.
Governments are showing how this can be done by sharing daily updates with its citizens as the pandemic evolves. By understanding how their audience would react to the information, governments have been careful not to spread panic. Similarly, businesses need to employ such transparency to build trust in their employees and stakeholders.
Rewards and Incentives
Rewards and incentives have been an effective way of building an agile culture in the workplace. But, the recent outbreak and the regulations that have come along with it makes it difficult for companies to adhere to their traditional methods of rewarding their employees. Measures such as social distancing mean that businesses are no longer operating with in-house employees, which makes rewarding deserving employees even harder.
The first challenge is that employees find it harder to feel the tangible rewards for their contributions. This may result in many employees thinking that their efforts do not make an impact, or their behavioral change of following social distancing has not made a difference. Since we as humans do not react well to delayed gratification, when someone who has stayed isolated in their homes and doesn’t see a change in the numbers of infected, that can significantly decrease their motivation.
It is up to companies to encourage their employees by building reward structures according to the new changes. In this way, a reward structure can be an effective tool that can be used to incentivize employees during this time of social isolation. The rewards that you use can be intrinsic or extrinsic, but in putting such a system in place, you can make a positive change in the dynamics of the ecosystems in which your employees operate.
When it comes to the type of reward or incentive that organizations can use while building an agile culture, businesses can use gamification or monetization, or use social rewards to incentivize their employees even during this time of working remotely. All of these types of rewards can be utilized as a response to the recent coronavirus outbreak to make employees feel a sense of appreciation even without any physical contact and while following social distancing requirements.
While working on problem-solving during the coronavirus outbreak can be difficult, it still remains an essential component of a business. Although social distancing has made it difficult for management and colleagues to stay connected while working remotely, staying connected is key for business success.
Staying connected, in this case, is having the tools to communicate efficiently with a workforce regardless of geographical constraints. While there are many companies that are privy to using various technologies to stay connected with their workforce on the ground, in a post coronavirus working environment, more companies will need to adapt to these changes.
It is important for business owners to use creativity and empathy when it comes to addressing the issues of staying connected during social distancing, mainly because the decisions that are made today can have long-term implications for the company. While it might not be easy to make some unpopular decisions, it is crucial for business leaders to use a human centric approach towards maintaining streamlined communication between their employees and all other stakeholders during these circumstances.
LA CULTURA DIGITALE AZIENDALE E I SUOI LEADER CORAGGIOSI. LA SOCIETA’ DI MARKETING DIGITALE ITALIANA “DERAWEB” COME ESEMPIO DI ECCELLENZA NELLA GESTIONE DELLE RISORSE UMANE
INTERVIEWER: Cinzia Nitti
HR Revolution: Ciao Fabio, grazie per aver accettato la nostra intervista e per quanto vorrai condividere con noi. Cominciamo: chi è Fabio De Lucia?
Fabio De Lucia: Ciao e grazie per questa intervista. Sono nato il 21 marzo del 1986 e il percorso accademico mi ha qualificato come perito commerciale con il massimo dei voti. Dopo la maturità e coerentemente con il mio approccio pratico alla vita, trovavo inefficace continuare a studiare per qualcosa di “non-tangibile”, quindi sono partito per Parigi e una volta rientrato, ho trovato impiego presso un’agenzia viaggi nel 2005. Ho iniziato a interessarmi a piani di sviluppo per implementare e migliorare i prodotti offerti. Credevo in quello che facevo ma, non trovando riscontro positivo da parte del mio titolare, ho rassegnato le dimissioni. All’epoca conoscevo già il mio caro amico e colui che sarebbe diventato il mio socio, Andrea (Dettole), il quale lavorava nel settore utilities nel nord Italia. Unendo le nostre conoscenze e competenze, nel 2008 abbiamo avviato Sundera, azienda di vendita servizi Business To Business (o B2B) e assistenza nel campo delle utilities: mi occupavo principalmente dei piani di sviluppo commerciale.
HR Revolution: Come nasce la web agency Deraweb e quale la sua mission?
Fabio De Lucia: Dall’esperienza positiva pregressa, nel 2016 abbiamo deciso di fondare con Andrea la società di marketing digitale Deraweb, brand partner della primogenita Sundera. L’impreparazione dei titolari di partita IVA in fatto di marketing e digitalizzazione dei prodotti aziendali – riscontrata a livello nazionale – è stato il fattore chiave che ha dato vita a Deraweb. La nostra azienda ha l’obiettivo di fornire strumenti efficaci per lo sviluppo aziendale in prospettiva di promozione digitale. In quattro anni il nostro pacchetto clienti è cresciuto in tutta Italia e su piano internazionale, acquisendo 600 clienti e con proiezione di raggiungere quota mille entro fine anno. La famiglia Deraweb conta oggi 15 dipendenti e 20 consulenti.
HR Revolution: Le Risorse Umane sono le componenti-chiave per il successo imprenditoriale. Il COVID-19 ha inevitabilmente imposto un cambiamento degli equilibri nella gestione aziendale. Come avete affrontato la sfida in fatto di nuovi assetti, ripianificazione e gestione del personale?
Fabio De Lucia: Il nostro metodo operativo prevede la maggior parte del lavoro da remoto. Gli strumenti digitali dunque, si sono confermati lo strumento indispensabile nel nostro lavoro; la pandemia è stata un elemento positivo in fatto di consolidamento di Deraweb. Si è trattato di un periodo di transizione per tutti. Nonostante uno stop forzato per alcuni e il crollo degli incassi nel mese di marzo, i nostri dipendenti si sono messi a completa disposizione dell’azienda, dei clienti, contribuendo in modo non indifferente alla buona riuscita degli intenti. Ci sono stati tutti vicini. Sono stati bravi e vanno tutti elogiati per questo.
HR Revolution: Cultura Digitale Aziendale: la risoluzione di problemi attraverso l’utilizzo di strumenti digitali si è rivelata un elemento vincente nella gestione del pacchetto-clienti durante la crisi pandemica?
Fabio De Lucia: Da titolari di azienda, nel supporto ai clienti e per una gestione ottimale dei servizi offerti, abbiamo deciso di operare in modo differente rispetto ai concorrenti. Abbiamo fornito gli strumenti necessari alla “sopravvivenza pandemica” con metodo studiato e mirato, soprattutto gratuito. In che modo? Creando manuali, guide strategiche “BUSINESS WORKOUT”, webinar e consulenze gratuite a disposizione dei clienti per evitare il fenomeno dell’inazione. Non a caso, il feedback è stato assolutamente positivo: abbiamo rafforzato il rapporto di reciprocità e fiducia con i nostri clienti, premiando inoltre coloro i quali hanno rispettato le scadenze in un periodo tanto complesso, fornendo un’estensione gratuita di un mese del servizio. Quest’approccio ci ha permesso di registrare risultati esponenzialmente più alti nel nostro ambito, a dispetto delle previsioni che la condizione economica generale avrebbe imposto.
HR Revolution: Spesso si pone l’accento sulla fidelizzazione del cliente, sottovalutando che la riuscita di un progetto o l’acquisizione di un contratto, derivi da un’ottima commistione di professionalità ed energie di un gruppo omogeneo e coeso. Dicci di più del tuo team. Sono importanti la Diversità e l’Inclusione in Deraweb e perché?
Fabio De Lucia: Assolutamente sì, per noi Diversità e Inclusione sono importanti. E rendono Deraweb un ambiente stimolante: il clima aziendale assume il giusto equilibrio tra competenze, rispetto delle qualità di ognuno e dimensione umana. Abbiamo messo in atto un modello di leadership che ispira gli altri e invoglia a migliorarsi. Dal consulente commerciale al servizio clienti, ai tecnici grafici, addetti marketing, comunicazione e social media, l’elemento della formazione continua inoltre, ha permesso di stabilire la gestione dei progetti in cui, senza più necessità di definizione esplicita, ogni membro del gruppo conosce esattamente il suo ruolo all’interno del processo.
C’è fiducia e stima reciproca, spirito di sacrificio e altrettanta collaborazione. Da parte nostra c’è attenzione alle proposte di ognuno. Il mio lavoro mi ha dato modo di visitare tante aziende e conoscere altre realtà, ma qui da noi c’è un clima diverso, un clima che piace e che permette di lavorare secondo un equilibrio che dimostra quanto i nostri ragazzi siano “allineati”: in Deraweb proprio non riesce ad arrivare qualcuno che non abbia i nostri stessi valori.
HR Revolution: La Parità di Genere è un obiettivo di rilievo in una realtà aziendale. Definiresti l’equilibrio di genere parte integrante del vostro successo?
Fabio De Lucia: Sì, le donne nella nostra azienda sono un valore aggiunto e particolarmente apprezzate. Hanno un approccio naturalmente diverso all’ascolto del cliente e alla gestione di una richiesta. Sempre attente ai dettagli, precise, sicuramente meno impulsive in fatto creativo rispetto agli uomini. È una scelta aziendale mirata, quella di impostare gruppi di lavoro misti: sono la sintesi perfetta che genera stabilità. In Italia si parla troppo poco di Parità di Genere sul posto di lavoro, noi invece siamo ben felici di dare possibilità di crescita e carriera alle nostre dipendenti, mamme incluse! Sono tutte ben accolte, troviamo che siano una risorsa irrinunciabile e grande indice di maturità nel nostro team. Da sempre puntiamo su piani di sviluppo aziendale assolutamente paritari; la famiglia Deraweb è un gruppo eterogeneo che ha fatto anche di questo equilibrio un punto di forza.
Grazie Fabio per averci aperto le porte di Deraweb e condiviso con HR Revolution Middle East, l’esempio positivo di una realtà aziendale solida che ha fatto delle Risorse Umane il suo motivo di orgoglio!
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