“Narcissists will not change and cannot be avoided, however, they can be managed…”
Engy Shahbander
A successful leader must be very decisive, persuasive, determined, with high self-esteem. There is, however, a very fine line between such necessary leadership qualities and the undesired Narcissistic ones. Narcissism involves an inflated sense of one’s own importance and an excessive need for admiration, and feelings of superiority with little or no regard for other people’s feelings. Practically everyone has either worked for a narcissistic manager or been exposed to one in some capacity. In this article, we will discuss signs of a narcissistic managers and ways to deal with them.
Signs of a Narcissistic Manager
1. Superior sense of self – They lack the empathy to treat people as equitable human beings.
2. Insensitive to others – Narcissistic managers can range from insensitive to abusive. They may overwork employees without proper compensation, give them unreasonable working hours or assign them tasks that do not pertain to the their job description.
3. Use employees for personal Agenda – A narcissistic manager may ask their employee to run personal errands or take care of personal matters.
4. Like to hear themselves talk- Many narcissistic managers love to be the center of attention, and do so by dominating meetings, presentations, phone conferences, and email discussions. They often like to remind people of their accomplishments, and why their ideas and proposals deserve special consideration, while putting other people’s ideas down!
5. Constant name and status reminder – They like to remind people of the important degree they possess, prestigious school they went to, exclusive groups they’re a part of etc… They want to constantly appear important, with a magnified and exaggerated sense of themselves.
6. Reluctant to give Credit – They feel that offering recognition diminishes their narcissist’s own power. When they do give credit, it’s usually under the context of an employee performing well, due to their “brilliant leadership” or they may praise an employee only if they want something from them!
7. Sensitive to Criticism – Negative feedback, threatens the narcissist’s fragility that lies behind the strong but superficial image, they portray. They will typically respond to criticism with anger, pretence of indifference, and blaming others for their own shortcomings. It’s always someone else’s fault!
8. Steal Credit – Narcissistic managers may either give an employee partial credit, while keeping the main credit for themselves, or outright steal a brilliant idea of an employee.
9. Break Rules and Ethical Norm – Many narcissists think, they are above the law, and should be exceptions to every rule.
How to deal with a Narcissistic Manager
- Accept that there is nothing you can do to make your boss treat you differently. Understand that you cannot change them, but you can adapt to them!
- Understand that narcissists feed their ego on breaking others self-esteem- Do not allow them to make you feel bad about yourself.
- Do not give them too much attention – Too much attention will reinforce their bad behavior.
- Stay in control & avoid conflict – Try to find ways to remain in control, while avoiding conflict situations before they happen, if it is within your capacity. You may want to refer back to policies and/or written guidelines and resort to committees for decision making whenever possible.
- Avoid excessive compliments or admiration – Do not help alleviate their insecurities by boosting their ego!
- Do not follow blindly – It is important to remember that narcissists will never change, no matter what you do, so do not follow them even when they are at fault, just to gain their approval. Resist illegal or inappropriate decisions.
- Limit communication to written forms – A narcissist will always portray themselves as a victim. Always protect yourself by keeping every word documented, and if they tell you a story, double check the facts!
- Do not argue – Just stay focussed and try to avoid conflict whenever possible. Should the argument be inevitable, find any point of agreement, then immediately end the discussion. Your time and effort investment will be in vain!
- Do not allow narcissists to provoke you – keep in mind, that provocation is a form of manipulation. Try to stay focused and ignore their provocative attempts.
At the workplace, Narcissism is more prevalent amongst upper management of large companies, which can have detrimental effects on the success of the company. Narcissists will not change and cannot be avoided, however, they can be managed!
Written By: Dr. Engy Shahbander
