Dear Sir,
I have lied to you in my interview when I said that this job is my dream job; the truth is I do not know what my dream is yet. I do not even know if I want to continue here, or if this is the place for me.
You asked me where I wanted to be in 10 years, and I gave you the answer I knew you wanted to hear. I molded my pretense with ambition to your liking. It is not as if I misled you on purpose; the truth is: I do not even know where I am heading. I am still trying to navigate my way through life, and find my purpose. On most nights, I worry about the possibility of making the wrong choice; the fear of missing out, as some people call it.
The truth is, like most of my generation, I am trapped in the paradox of false uniqueness; we are a generation brought up on the exaggerated emphasis on the “self” and our unique identities. We grew up being told how special and unique we are, only to be hit by the sad truth that we are not very special. The world cannot care less; you are one in a million; millions of talented ambitious individuals, each seeking the same thing as you.
The truth is, I am still depressed by my lack of accomplishment, or perhaps lack of uniqueness. I am only here to make some sense out of my existence. They say experience and hard work breed success, maybe that is why I am here, or perhaps I am just hoping to gain perspective.
You say that I have potential, and that excited me sometimes, but on most days my anxiety gets the best of me.
Søren Kierkegaard said: ‘Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom.’ I sometimes wonder if anxiety is the price we pay for free choice. I often think our generation is an anxious one. However, you can say my work here is of mutual benefit, after all as a young person in the work place I am always striving to prove my worth; a concept most corporates will implant in their young employees, aiming to create a competitive environment. Nevertheless, I am still unsatisfied; I am likely to leave this place within the next year – or so I often think to myself, sometimes using this as a motivator. I have not figured out where to though. Does it really matter?!
Would you have still hired me, if I had told you this? Would you have still invested in me?
Yours sincerely,
Just Another Employee
Photography: Mahmoud Mansi & Ahmed Darwish
Edited by: Mona Timor Shehata