Written by: Yasmine Baddar
Editor: Mahmoud Mansi
Throughout our academic journeys, different routes and paths of how to reach what everyone fancy; “success”, were always embedded in our brains. Some began with how to always be optimistic and others with how hard it is to be successful and how much effort it requires.
Well, this is a much easier guide of small baby steps that will NEVER get you anywhere near success! You will always be stuck where you are, and you will never have a chance to flourish!
1) Always Look to the Negative Side
This step is pretty basic, always choose what would sadden you and *deeply* think about it. If you can be grateful for 99 things that happened throughout your life, well, choose to be miserable for the one thing that didn’t happen.
2) Never Take an Action
Invest your time in algebraically planning every single possible outcome, that you don’t even have time to take any step towards what you want. Let the what if’s eat your brain, energy and realism away.
3) Never. Stop. Complaining
Whenever you find any chance to start whining. Always seize the opportunity! Cause’ what’s better than crying your soul out for dozens of times over the same situation?
4) Surround Yourself with Negative People
Stick next to people who always detest everything around them for no apparent reason rather than just wanting/choosing to. You can definitely waste your time with such mindsets, you can spend time radiating negativity together.
5) Always Think about the Past
What’s a better step to fail than to be stuck in a time that has already gone? Nothing! Think about that one chance you missed, about that friendship that was messed up, or about how you failed in Geography 5 years ago. Of course, you must remember to NEVER forgive yourself.
6) Let the “What ifs” EAT your Brain Away
If all the odds point toward a common end or consequence of some action that you can take, make up another pessimistic one and just stay where you are! Think about that 50% chance of you not being able to do it right or as how you picture it in your brain. Allow the thought to brutally conquer all your thoughts that you become metaphorically paralyzed.
7) Always be Rude to Yourself before you Sleep
At the end of the day, sit in bed and do what follows: mentally torture yourself for everything you skipped from your to-do list, or how you simply couldn’t iron your own shirt properly. Just, mentally torture your own self using your own words. The ones that provoke you, to be specific.
8) Blame it All on Everyone, but Yourself!
Last but not least, choose anything and blame every other step mentioned on it. Your ex-friend who just stopped talking to you, that boss who told you that you’re pretty much nothing or I’ll tell you what; you can throw the blame on your horoscope!